KILL Ed Franklin!!!
Here's the deal.
The strip is called "KILL Ed
Franklin", and it is updated every Wednesday and Sunday. Sometimes I will
write a strip with a votable caption, just
email
me with any questions or captions
or votes. Make sure you put "caption" or "vote" in the subject.
You can find the comic strip
archive here.
Welcome Welcome Welcome!!
Sections of interest:
Strip
Selection Page
The
Ed Franklin Music Page
The
Old News Section
View
The Guest book Here
Sign
The Guest book Here
Links
to Sites that are FAR better than this piece...
Pictures
Of Ed Franklin's trip to Europe
The
Near Infamous Dance Video....
Dance
for Christmas 2001!!!
MAIL ME!!!
News For 2/18/02:
"In the midnight moonlight eye, been walking the
lonely mile...."
OK, I'm leaving soon, and it very well could be
the death of this site. Or at least the death of the updating of
this site. I haven't updated in a while, and I was going to put up
the newest and last strip, but my scanner is broken. If it works
before I leave, then I will put it up (I promise it's funny), if not, then
a lucky reader will get it (Mandi).
So, huh, what to do now?
Well, I did see this on Yahoo! news.....Georgia
Crematory Operator Arrested Again .. First of
all, AGAIN?!?!? Holy shit, what a screw up.
Well, when you read the article, the Georgian authorities found something
like 300 (that's bolded, italicized, underlined and
all caps there) BODIES. Oh don't worry, they
were just bodies that were supposed to be cremated, and the guy just decided
to dump them in a forest instead. Did you see the part of the headline
that says 'again'? One would assume that if one was arrested, then
just maybe the cops were onto one's illegal macabre activities. Chimps
learn faster than this genius.
Towards the end of the article, there is this
part, "The discovery of the corpses at the crematory came just months after
a funeral company was accused in a Florida lawsuit of digging up bodies
and dumping them in the woods to make room for new burials. " I was
kinda waiting for a sound byte of the funeral home owner saying something
like:
"Well, it's a rough time for our business, 'cause,
as you may know, there are more dead people now than ever...."
You know how hard I would of laughed if someone
said that? Let's just say, VERY HARD, INDEED.
"Here comes my baby, here she comes nooooooow,
and it comes as no suprise to me, with another guuuuuuuuyy"
News For 2/10/02:
"I'm not internationally known, but I'm known
to rock the microphone...."
One of the last strips for a LONG time.
I hope you enjoy it......I mean, it is FREE. You are coming out good
in this deal, believe me.
Strip
20!!
The Council's name was shortened from "Council
For Not Getting So Ripped Off Your Gourd That You Wake Up With a Cell Phone
Shoved Up Your Ass". But their acronym would be: CFNGSROYGTYWUWACSUYA.
"It takes two to make a thing go right.....it
takes two to make it out of sight..."
News For 2/6/02:
"Friends keep tellin' me to Coooooooooool it nooooooooow"
Another strip featuring Ninja Death Bear!!
A recurring character!! YAY!!
Strip
19!!
if you are offended by this, just know.......uh,
I didn't write it. It was all done by Rob, and he put it up here
against my will. The ass.
Email him with any complaints.
"Cooooooooool it nooooooow, you're gonna fall
in love!"
News For 2/3/02:
"Like some baby barbarella, with the stars as
her umbrella, she asked me if I'd like to magnetize...."
What a superbowl, eh? Fucking amazing it
was!!!
Strip
18!!
Even though this is a local reference, everyone
with a corporate owned "alternative" station should appreciate it.
Especially John.
"Sends me into hyperspace when I see her pretty
face, sends me into hyperspace when I see her pretty face....."
News For 1/30/02:
"Doom doom doom doom-edoom-e-doom"
New strip today!!! Full of irreverent current
events humour, or lack of!
Strip
17!!!
"doom de-doom doom doom"
News For 1/27/02:
"I've got wheels of polished steel, I got tires
that hug the road...."
New strip today featuring a friendlier, yet still
deadly, Ninja Death Bear. Especially for Mandarininininininininininininininininini
Strip
16!!!
"Satan is my motor, hear my motor purrrrrrr"
News For 1/23/02:
"The way we look to a distant constellation dying
in the corner of a galaxy....."
I knows it's been quite a long time since I updated,
but, well, I had shit to do. I actually blame it on work, combined
with friend-visiting....
The new update schedule is Wednesdays and Sundays.
Enjoy strip 15!!!
Strip
15!!!
this strip was not written specifically
for Rob, but it was definitely written with his appreciation in mind.
"These are the days of miracles and wonder, this
is the long distance call...."
News For 12/13/01:
"Now, the king told the boogeymen, you gotta let
that ragga droooOOOOOooop"
New votable strip today! If you don't send
me your captions, I will eat your soul.
Strip
14 with winning caption!
Table appears thusly: "Caption" (Author)
(# of votes)
EF is me, Ed Franklin.
Right now, to send a caption (deadline Friday)
or a vote, email me here
at
wazzah@yahoo.com
Also, all the links have finally been updated
to this new, faster server. That means that all the Europe pictures
are on a fast server and can now actually be viewed at a reasonable rate....same
with the dance video.....all downloads should be much quicker now.
Final strip will be up Sunday night.
"Like a rolling stone......with no direction known...."
News For 11/7/01:
"Karma Police, arrest this man.....he talks in
maths, he buzzes like a fridge...."
So, as a little suprise/treat for not updating
in a while, I present to you "KILL Brian".
All these comics were done back in March or April
when I was working for Careflite Ground Ambulance. I made quick friends
with another EMT that worked there named Brian. Both of our crews
were doing EMS stand-by for some conference at the Wyndham Anatole in downtown
Dallas. Both of our crews were also incredibly bored from doing EMS
stand-by, so I found a stationary book and a pen, and started to draw pictures
of Brian dying in various ways. Sorry if you don't understand our
humour.
KILL
Brian #1
In this scene, Brian is ripped to shreds by a
bear that has the same name as our supervisor, coincidentally. Notice
the bear attacks like Ninja Bear...could Neal be Ninja Bear's secret identity?
Hell, I don't know...
KILL
Brian #2
They were giving away very large orange foam
cowboy hats to promote whatever the conference was about. This is
a dramatic re-creation of what would happen if Brian went to steal a couple
hats. He actually DID end up stealing two hats, but the reality ending
was far less dramatic.
KILL
Brian #3
A drawing of what would happen if Brian decided
to go diving with one of those classic diving bells. I really don't
know why he would go on a ship named "S.S. Brian Sux", but hey, there you
go.
KILL
Brian #4
My interpretation of Brian's EMT skills as pertaining
to his ambulance driving. Supervisor Neal has antennae.
KILL
Brian #5
Brian skydiving.
Well, I hope you appreciate that. New comic
arrives on Thursday. You may also notice the strip selection page
link added up top. USE IT.
"This is what you'll get.....when you mess with
us...."
News For 11/6/01:
"Well, if they freed me from this prison, if that
railroad train was mine, I'd move it a little further up the line...."
Hey hey hey HEY!!
New strip, and don't I know it's been a while.....
Strip
7!!!
Didn't I tell you to visit www.gristle.to?
DO IT!
"Well, I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him
diiiiiiiiiiiie"
News For 11/5/01:
"'Cause you're wanted by the police, and my wife
thinks you're deeeeeeeeeeead"
Here's a link to email two
and
email three
"Somebody spread the rumor that you had lost your
life, at least that's the way I heard, and what I told my wife"
News For 11/3/01:
"We are young, we run green
Keep our teeth nice and clean
See our friends, see the sights
Feel alright!"
Well, I have returned from the "warzone", and
unfortunately, the WTC cough is still with me.
For the next three days, I will be re-printing
three emails I sent out to my closet friends/buddies, which they in turn
sent it out to their peeps.
First
Email
You can also find this over at my main man's site
gristle.
Go visit his site, it will make us all happy....
New strip on Tuesday.
"Got some cash, bought some wheels
Took it out, 'cross some fields
Lost control, hit a wall
But we're alright!"
News For 10/23/01:
"Sun is shining, weather is sweet-yeah!"
OK, guys, this is going to be the last update
for a long while.
I'm leaving at 4:55pm today to head up to New
York for lord knows how long.
I'll attempt to not die.....but I'm not promising
anything.
Strip
6, FOOL!!
"I'm a rainbow, too"
News For 10/19/01:
"You really got me, you really got me, you really
got me...."
Whew. Well, here it be, the strip that shoulda
been up yesterday.
Strip
5!!!!
"Girl, you got me so I can't sleep at night...."
News For 10/18/01:
"If you leave me now, you take away the biggest
part of me....."
Sorry Sorry Sorry!
No comic today, I just have other stuff to do
(jobs, etc.), but I will try to put it up sometime tonight!
To whet your appetite though, here is what I consider
to be the coolest picture ever:
coolest
picture ever
That's my Dad, circa Vietnam War era.
"oooooOOOOOOOOoooOOO baby, please don't go"
News For 10/16/01:
"Don't leave my hiiiiiiiiiiigh, don't leave me
dryyyyyyyyy..."
New strip today, but I'd like to sell something
first. Everyone should go buy the new self-titled album by Tenacious
D. It is the greatest thing ever created in the name of rock.
It
is 21 tracks of pure devil rock your ass genius. Go buy it, then
come back and check out this strip:
Strip
Four!!!
To see the original joke about the juicy juice/Hitler
thing, look here .
"you will be the one who cannot talk...."
News For 10/11/01:
"Rain drops on roses and wiskers on kittens, bright
copper kettles and warm woolen mittens... brown paper packages tied up
in strings... these are a few of my favorite things!"
Song quote brought to you by Sound of Music and
Jasmine (gasp!) Kimmel. New comic up today to ring in my new server!!
You can find me here from now on. WEEEEEEE!!
Oh, and lets hope the Kimmel's baby dont end looking
like this.
Strip
Three!!!!
"Hey Mary, where's your umbrella? And why are
you walking funny?"
News For 10/9/01:
"I hope my legs don't break, a-walking on de mooooon...."
E-yo-yo-yo-yooooo. New strip today, and
it's all big and long and topical, even. I know I kinda gave up on
talking about HFY, but well, anything else I come up with right now would
be boring. When I think of something I may see as funny, I'll post
about it.
Until then.....KILL Ed Franklin!
Second
Strip!!!
"Tuesday, I may as well play...."
News For 10/04/01:
"We can deal with rockets and dreams, but reality,
what does it mean?"
Don't be misled..... Freddie's Dead. Well,
to make up for the shatty post last tuesday, I'm gonna do something special.
I shall start writing comics!! Neee-HA!!
Tentavely titled "KILL Ed Franklin......by Ed
Franklin", it will be on the subject of whatever I happen to think is funny
at the time.
Don't expect anything to be consistent, either.
I mean, hey, it's free for you , right?
First strip:
First
Strip!!!!
"If you dont try, your gonna die...."
News For 10/02/01:
"I don't care too much for money, cause money
can't buy me love..."
OW! Now, THAT'S what I'm talking 'bout.
I'm currently printing up applications to send
into various fishing vessels, for the sole purpose of earning gobs of evil
money. Basically, as soon as I get out of debt, hoo-boy, sayonara
suckers. I really only got about $4000 to raise, then I'm free. FREE
free. Like a freaking bird, man.
So, apparently, I gotta send in apps to about
20 different boats, and then wait for a response....I'm a little wary since
I have, roughly, zero experience working with Alaskan fishing boats.
From the information sent to me (which sounds credible, I mean, hell, they
warned me that I would most likely die on a certain boat), I can earn stoopid
amounts of money. Something in the range of $6000 per month.
Holy crapburgers!
Also, if anyone has any information on any travel
jobs, or anything that pays for room/board with a monthly salary, I would
be greatly interested.
I guess I'll toss up a couple links today, to
supplement for the weak-ass post (another one in two days):
Seanbaby's report
on gay persons
Oldmanmurray's
new piece (only for those that have knowledge with video games)
Networks
getting ready to take on terrorism (<-- Nothing
too special about this one, just thought the headline was funny.
I mean, I always thought our secret weapon wouldn't involve Stone Phillips.
If anything, I thought our secret weapon involved giving him to the Taliban.)
"LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE......LOOOOOOOOOOVE....."
News For 9/27/01:
"Mississippi Delta, shining like a national guitar..."
I am following the river down the highway through
the cradle of the civil war.
Nothing too exciting today, just a few pictures
I decided to scan of my main man's bachelor party:
Nipple
twisting
The
peeps o' mine
Mike
with sombrero
Mike
with sombrero with UFO
Mike
with sombrero with huge floating head of me as a baby
"We will all be recieved in Graceland"
News For 9/25/01:
"And you might ask yourself, well, how did I get
here?"
Letting the days go by. I can't believe
it's been so long since I've been back from Massasemmelangalanga.
As some of you may know, I had been working at the Weatherford Democrat
since I've been back, mostly inserting advertisements into the news.
It's like working on an assembly line, and it's horribly monotonous, and
at times, I could feel my brain shrivel. Maybe it was from the massive
amount of ink that would build on my hands, combined with the cloud of
paper dust....
But anyways, I quit today. After almost
a month of working there, I've decided enough is enough. I
need to return to EMS, somehow. A few of you out in the audience
may know about the alaskan fishing boat I'm trying to get on....if not,
lemme tell you about it. Apparently, there are these huge floating
processing boats that ship out of Seattle, float up to Alaska, then down
to around California. They scoop up large amounts of fish (and hopefully
dolphins, cause really, who likes them?), then they package them right
on the damn boat. Anyways, they need medics, so I will hopefully
be doing that for a couple months....
Summarize Camp Log #2:
So, I got to the camp within three days, which
I thought was pretty impressive. The trip took me through 12 states,
one of them being West fucking Virginia. Shudder. And I only
hit one animal....slammed into a dog at about midnight going at least 85....I
decided not to stop, I figured 340,000 pounds (approx.) of force probably
killed the thing.
Anywho, I get there in one piece. Rolling
down the street where Horizons For Youth (HFY) lies is quite beautiful;
there are trees lining the road, so many the sun barely peeks through.
The whole area is nice and green, with a lake right there. Not 20
minutes after I arrived, someone told me that "Friday the 13th part 3"
was filmed across the lake.
Doesn't take long before you start going "woo
ka ka ka ka ka" (see: "Friday the 13th" villain music) to yourself as you
walk around at night.
Another update will hit ya on Thursday
"You will say to yourself, this is not my
beautiful wife!"
News For 9/20/01:
"Some might even say this song is sexisisist,
cause I ask the girls to rub on their breastesesest...."
Y'all know the name, Ed fucking Franklin, aint
a damn thing changed.
Well, except the update schedule. I'll be
posting a new...well....post on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, with maybe
an update on the weekend. So, now you know when to check the site,
and I don't need to shoot you an email or anything.
Summarize Camp log #1:
So, I guess my big ol' trip started back on June
18th, which was *quite* a while ago. It had never really hit me that
I was gone be staying in Massa..choo..choo...uh....sets (?) for the summer,
much less traveling 2000 miles by car to get there. I had only been
thinking about this wedding, and the camp thing was merely in the back
of my head, like an ancient box of Past-a-roni in the dark recesses of
the cupboard. But, the day after the wedding, hoo-boy, it was like
spring cleaning, and that dusty box of easy to prepare alfredo dropped
like a load of quality new england bricks.
First of all, don't let anyone tell you "a journey
of one thousand miles begins with the first step". Cause that's a
load. A journey of two thousand miles only truly begins when you
get out of Texas, until then, you might as well be sight-seeing, Betty.
You would think (I actually have no idea what
you would think) that there would be some radical change between the states
as you pass through them. I noticed it was a very gradual change,
except for maybe the road signs. Actually, the road signs spoke much
about a states attitude. Yes, higher speed limits are nice and all,
but it's hard to fathom how rude/insane a group of people can be until
you see what they have collectively thrown up on the side of the road.
Virginia is a good example. These people are freaking nuts.
Here is a taste of their crazy-assness:
"SPEED LIMIT ENFORCED BY AIRCRAFT"
Now, if you were to pass that sign going, oh,
I don't know, 95 mph, what would *your* first reaction be? Mine was
to scream. Loudly. Then to worriedly spin my head around looking
for little hovercrafts saying "bleep bleep speed violator bleep
bleep must destroy bleep". I thought to myself, "Virginia
has the power to wield enforcement from the heavens?
God help us all."
Then, after no hover-killer-robots zapped my car, I started to think rationally.
Like, "how much money can they get off of speeding tickets to pay for a
traffic 'aircraft'," and "what the hell kind of aircraft is it? A
jet? Getting pulled over by a jet would be an odd experience."
So, I settled on the fact that they had to be bluffing. If they were
bluffing, though, what a strange thing to do. I mean, if they are
gonna lie, why not say "SPEED LIMIT ENFORCED BY CRANKY WIZARD. AND
QUITE POSSIBLY JESUS."
The aircraft enforcer sign wasn't the only threatening
sign on the road though. Some states would have to remind you that
their state "requires" you to use turn signals, or that you must wear 3
seatbelts at one time, or that you shouldn't even think about putting chains
on your tires, lest you be deported. I never got pulled over once,
on my entire 4000 mile round trip, so, I still think it's all talk.
One more thing before I shove off. I have
never been so scared in my life until I pulled over at a Virginia gas station
at 1 a.m. When I entered the building, I'm not joking here, I saw
not one, not two, but THREE people in overalls. Two of them had no
shirt underneath! When I went to the counter, their impulse buy item
was, get this, "100% Virginia Mountain Music". When I looked up I
could swear the overall-people started whistling "Dueling Banjos".
"Simon says: GET THE FUCK UP!..."
News For 9/18/01:
"I'm like a bird, I'll fly away..."
It's been oooooo, I don't know, ALMOST FOUR MONTHS
since I've updated last. The last month I had an average hit count
of 0. You know hard it is to average zero when you cannot have negative
hits?
It's weird because I didn't inform anyone my plans,
at least via the site. So, if you read the archive of news posts,
it's like I just vanished for 4 months. Wait, wait, lemme explain.
Last June, I decided to leave Careflite, because
well, just because. I guess you could say the stress was getting
to me, but then again you could say "shut up you wuss." Although
now, I'd rather you not say that. For whatever reason, I started
looking for another job. I did most of my searching on the net, so
I got to explore all over the place. Going very far away and doing
EMS sounded like fun, so I sent my resume out to a bunch of interntional
EMS groups, and one email to a camp near Boston that worked with underprivileged
children. Oh, and they paid. Money. Weeeee.
The quickest response I got was from the Boston
camp, so they quickly became my interest. After some un-careful
planning, and irrational thinking, I decided on driving up there and working
for the summer in Massachu.....chets? I still can't spell the name
of the state I just lived in for three months.
Before I left however, I had to perform a wedding.
"Wait up, man, did you say a baptizing?" No, I said a wedding. "oh,
that's ok th.......WHAT?!?!?"
So, anyways, although it sounds like a good subject
for a post, you know, wedding two people, there's not much to say.
It happened four months ago, and anything witty or interesting I could
say about it I've already forgotten. I can say that it was absolutely
beautiful, and one of the greatest honors I've ever received. I'm
really happy with how it went. Great, great experience.
The next day, I drove to Boston (well, about 30
miles south of Boston, a town called Sharon), and started my job at camp
"Horizons for Youth". Now all this is still fresh on my mind, so
for the next two weeks or so, I'll be doing normal posts along with stories/rememberances
about HFY.
I was gonna start posting this time last week,
but there were fucking planes running into god-damn buildings, and everyone
in America's hearts were broken, smashed, then spit on. Oh, I'll
be talking about this, too.
Stay tuned, children, cause I'm back and ready
to spout out some crazy ass shit.
"I'm just scared that we may fall through...."
